Conquering Demons

BY: ALICIA MOSLEY

We all fight demons.

Everyone fights different ones but I believe these battles we go through are what make us strong.

Some of us fight demons of addiction or loneliness, or broken families and fear.

Some demons come in forms of sickness or mental illness.

These demons of mental illness are especially vicious because our society surrounds them with stigma and stereotypes. Mental illness is commonly misunderstood and often underrated. I’ve been battling demons of anxiety and depression for years and while I am growing stronger, it is still a battle every day to fight.

The demons I’ve been fighting all my life have morphed and changed over the years but I’ve certainly gain strength through these struggles. One that has plagued me for years is negative self talk. If there was an award for beating yourself up, you bet I’d win. My anxiety and depression often get the best of me and my negative self talk erupts like a volcano.

My poor husband gets so upset when he sees how mean I am to myself. But I can’t help it. It’s just a pattern that my mental illness has ingrained in my brain for twenty years.

Don’t ask me where it came from because I’ve been surrounded by loving people all my life. (I’m talking you-roommates, missionary companions, lifelong friends, family and coworkers).

I’m sure there are many of us who throw kindness and forgiveness out like it’s confetti but when it comes to ourselves, we only hand out reprimands and disappointment. We demand perfection and nothing less. So when we fall short of our impossible standards we lash out on ourselves as if hoping desperately this will yield better results next time. But it never works and we’re trapped in a vicious cycle of negativity and despair.

So many of us battle demons of mental illness, self-doubt and negative self talk. We’re constantly fighting just to stay afloat. The hopelessness and darkness can be overwhelming and threaten to swallow us anew everyday. But, each day, we rise again. Each day we’re stronger than the one before and each day we’re learning and growing.

These demons we fight are making us stronger and smarter. And we have to choose to see it that way. The minute we think they are winning, we start to slip. If we start to think that the darkness will never dissipate and these despairing feelings will never end-then we lose. We have to believe in ourselves. We have to look at our past with its ravaged battlefields that are evidence of our victories. Because if you are here, today, reading this, then you my friend, are victorious.

So when you feel like you’re failing and can’t do anything right, please remember that you are a warrior.

No one could fight your battles like you can.

You are so strong and powerful.

Those voices in your head that say you suck and you’ll never be good enough are LYING.

Your demons want you to fail. They are trying to destroy you but they never will if you don’t let them.

So that love you give so freely to others? It’s time to give some to yourself too.

Your self-love and self-care will give you the power to defeat your demons.

If you feed your mind with kindness and positive thoughts, you will be empowered to make it through each day.

Surround yourself with people who build you up and make sure that you are one of them. 

Every day I wake up to fight my demons. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But I keep getting back up. I beat myself up until my soul is bruised and broken but I am trying to heal these wounds with words of self-love.

Be kind to yourself.
Be gentle.

You are growing and imperfect.

Embrace who you are and flood your life with love.
Because loving yourself will set you free.